2019, here I come! Oh wait, you're here for almost three months already.

Hello my wonderful people. I know, I know. I have been as rare as a Chanel Sale for the last months, but I have a real and understandable excuse: I am just lazy. No for real, sometimes I have good phases and I have all my shit together and other days I spend an entire day in front of the tv and start to question my life choices. But I think we shouldn't be too concerned about our bad, lazy oh-my-god-I-need-to-watch-this-stupid-teenage-romance-show-in-one-day-even-though-it-is-really-bad-acted phases. There are better times coming, always.

I am usually a pretty motivated person, which can work for hours straight on something I enjoy doing. Editing dancing videos even though I have an essay due the next day? No worries, I edit the (not urgent) video with full effects, sound and even an opening scene. The essay? Other story. I mean, I got all my uni shit together in a weird way, considering I have a bachelor degree and am currently working on my master thesis. But sometimes I can't help but wonder if it is really worth my time to write another paper no one's really reading and stressing about it for weeks, just to get those credit points. Of course you have to showcase your skills to get the diploma, I understand. But if you write the thing just for the sake of writing it? I don't know, I think it's not a good motivation. Or motivation at all. 

Maybe I am just fed up with studying. And don't get me wrong here. I am really thankful for the opportunity to go to school and university. I know it is something not everybody is fortunate enough to experience. But after 13 years of school and 7 years of uni I am mentally done. Done with remembering 43 absolute nonsense tasks regarding uni everyday, done with never feeling I finished, done with always feeling guilty when I am not studying or working, done with feeling I have to study while I am at work, done with thinking I have to work when I am studying. Yes, this is a first world problem text. But it is what my day to day life is about right now and I am so fed up with it. I want to finally focus on the life after education and start working (not for credit points, but for money, you feel me?)I am now going to write this fucking essay. Wish me luck!